Phase Two
by TinyVamp12
Summary: The Underpants Gnomes,. with the help of Kenny and Tweek, come up with Phase Two of their business plan- CartmanXKyle products. Cartman/Kyle and Kenny/Tweek/Damien. Rated T for language mostly.


Very random idea I had. Will only make sense if you sa, "Gnomes".

This chapter will be short, but I promise the next one will be longer.

Oh, and please check out my friend PhantomFreak95's stories. You won't regret it.

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Ever since Craig went after Thomas, Tweek had relied on Kenny to protect his underpants from the Underpants Gnomes (because he was the only one who volunteered). Soon, however, an alliance was formed between Tweek and the gnomes, and Kenny wasn't needed anymore. Well, not for that reason anyway- Tweek needed orange hugs once in a while (everyone loves orange hugs, after all).

At age fifteen, the two blondes started "dating". "Dating" for Kenny and Tweek meant doing anything that wasn't scary to Tweek, but somehow always ended up being deadly to Kenny. Yes, this included going out for innocent, safe ice cream. With caffeine sprinkles on top, of course.

Tweek was the only toy Kenny had- Kelly had made it clear that their long-distance relationship didn't work how she wanted it to, and Damien could be bitchy, so that didn't work out.. Everyone else was just another date, nothing serious. Tweek, on the other hand, was a very serious toy that Kenny was keeping. He never thought boxers and briefs would cause him to meet his toy.

Eric Cartman, however, didn't like Kenny dating- he needed him to help him with _his_ love problems, whether he liked it or not.

Kenny wasn't just a little whore, but a loyal friend, so he helped Cartman with Kyle whenever Butters couldn't.

Yes, Kyle. Cartman loved him in a I-want-to-exterminate-your-people-and-kill-you-slowly-but-stop-and-save-you-or-purposely-fail-at-the-last-minute-and-annoy-and-torture-the-hell-out-of-you-because-I-like-being-complicated-like-that kind of way. He could go on for hours describing everything about Kyle, because he knew almost everything about Kyle. He could talk about him for an equal about of time in a loathing way or an admiring way, which sometimes lead to Kenny getting so annoyed that he literally died.

So Tweek had grown to hate Cartman (though everyone already hated him, so it really didn't make much of a difference) and become tense around Kyle. After all, his boyfriend- who was kind enough to help Cartman in the first place- kept risking his life and reputation all because of Kyle's arousing ass, afro, and personality (Personality does not begin with an 'A'. Oh well. Screw alliteration).

Which is why he was always intrigued to use Cartman's secret about Kyle against him as revenge-and so was Kenny.

But he can't. First of all, it'll be too much pressure. Second of all, Cartman would probably kill and castrate him in payback. Third of all, they might run out of coffee while doing it.

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One morning at 3: 14 AM in Tweek's house, he and Kenny were discussing the previous night, in which Cartman's latest Kyle-related plan had not only failed, but made Kenny more pissed off at his sort-of-best-friend than ever, because now Kyle's mom had a temporary restraining order against the wrong person- Kenny (though he had to admit he got off better than Butters...).

Tweek still debated against spilling Cartman's secret.

"Kenny, he'll kill you! He'll slap you or kick you in the nuts until you die!" Tweek shrieked, wrapping his arms around Kenny.

Kenny rollled his eyes. "So?"

"SO?!?!"

After a long moment of silence, Kenny sighed.

"Tweekers, I just need to ask you to do one thing."

Tweek groaned."F-fine! I'll help the gnomes form a business dedicated to selling Cartman-X-Kyle slash products- including plushies, dolls, and boxers saying "Cartyle" all over them- to either get revenge on Cartman or bring him and Kyle together so Cartman doesn't go begging you for love help, thus annoying you. Then, after the gnomes pay us our share, we'll get rich and use some of the money to buy robot guards to protect us from him. Jesus!"

Kenny blinked. There was an even longer moment of silence. So long, it seemed as if Cartman could have convinced Kyle to marry him in the time.

Finally, he said, "I actually wanted to do some inappropriate acts with you.... but I love that idea!"

TBC

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Review plz! Constructive critiscism is great and helps me improve. Flames are mocked and laughed at.


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